Benefits of hospice: A family’s perspective

In an effort to help educate about the services offered through Above & Beyond Hospice, the Express will share a series of feature stories on families/loved ones who have utilized hospice. These features are also to help highlight the benefits of hospice. 

“She was as nice and loving at the end as she was in the beginning.” 

Roger Hearn of Monticello shared those tender words about his wife, Shirley, who passed away last April after several years of battling dementia. 

The couple was married for 65 years, and Hearn never left Shirley’s side until the end. 

Shirley’s dementia started out as short-term memory loss. Hearn said he noticed little things she would forget or didn’t want to do. 

“Every weekend we do chores together and she just didn’t want to cook anymore,” he said. 

At night as the couple settled in for bed, Shirley would say she wanted to go “home.” Not home where she resided with her husband, but home where she grew up as a child. 

“You saw a slow decline where she wouldn’t remember people,” added Hearn. 

Being around his wife each and every day, Hearn admitted it was their adult children who saw the dementia taking hold before he did. 

Wanting to keep his wife at home, Hearn contacted Above & Beyond for assistance in home health. They provided a list of individuals in the community who will come into your home to assist your loved one in personal care. Hearn sought the assistance of Micaela Monk of Monticello. 

“She helped Shirley shower and it gave me a break,” he said. “Two days a week she’d come and sit and talk with Shirley.” 

Hearn said even after Shirley moved to Pinicon, Micaela would stop in and visit with her. 

When Shirley “escaped” the couple’s condo unit in Monticello, it became apparent Hearn needed to do something for her own health. The family decided Shirley would be better served in the memory care unit at Pinicon Place in Anamosa. 

“I had to keep her safe,” said Hearn. 

In May 2017, Shirley started her life at Pinicon. Hearn drove to have lunch with her every day. It was the highlight of his day, getting to spend time with his wife. 

After an incident where Shirley fell and cut herself, Pinicon Place suggested Hearn look into palliative care. This form of medical care is intended for those living with a serious illness like dementia. 

“I had no idea about palliative care,” admitted Hearn. 

During the last four months of Shirley’s life, she spiked a fever. Hearn called their doctor who suggested the family look at bringing in hospice. Hearn said he thought his wife just had a simple fever, but to a medical professional, something was wrong with her body. 

“She couldn’t walk and talk,” he said. “But she never lost control of her body.” 

Because Hearn is from Monticello, it was obvious to him that Above & Beyond Hospice was the best choice. He said a hospice nurse came into her room and played the guitar, playing music Shirley enjoyed. 

“She would mouth the words along with her (the nurse),” he said. “Music calmed her.” 

Hospice also came in to help Shirley bathe, administered her medications, and assisted in scheduling her doctor appointments. Hearn said they genuinely cared about her well-being. 

“They were so gentle with her,” he said. 

In the final hours of her life, Hearn said hospice was there to prepare him for what to expect so there’s no shock. 

“I’m glad she passed away peacefully,” Hearn said fondly. “Every breath I thought would be her last.” 

Hearn was especially touched that a staff member at Pinicon thought enough of Shirley to stay with the couple until the end, despite being off work at that time. 

“It still gets to me,” Hearn said with tears in his eyes. 

It’s been just over a year since Shirley passed away, and Hearn stays busy giving back to others. He attends several caregiver and grief support groups. Not only does he benefit from the programs, but also hopes to share his experiences with others whose loved ones are battling dementia/Alzheimer’s. 

“You have to live in their world,” he said of living with someone with dementia. “When you try to correct them, it can make the situation worse.” 

Hearn started going to these programs per suggestion, and is glad for the company and socialization. 

“It gets to be like a little family,” he said. 

He said he’s learned that hospice isn’t just for end-of-life, but to help the caregiver at the end as well. And hospice doesn’t just come to the hospital when someone is nearing death, but will come to your home as well if you prefer to have your loved one at home. 

“It’s just a wonderful service!” Hearn praised. He said hospice even called the funeral home to help make arrangements. 

“I was not in the shape to do it,” he said of the emotion of losing his wife. “They were great help.” 

He looks back at Shirley’s life affectionately, noting that even during the early stages of dementia, she was fun and loving. 

Hearn encourages people to look into all that hospice has to offer, as well as the grief support group offered through Above & Beyond, and the caregiver support group through Jones Regional Medical Center. 

“They bring in speakers who share all kinds of information,” he said. “You lay it all out on the line, share how you feel, cry a bit, and know that others feel the same way.” 

For more information on Above &Beyond Hospice, visit https://abovebeyondhc. com/hospice-care/ or call 877-233-1533.