Hiding one’s true feelings or behaviors leads to stress, exhaustion

As a rural mental health provider at Sunrise Therapy and Counseling Services here in Monticello, I am often asked about the scope of mental health needs in our community and the surrounding area.

While people often choose a small, rural community for safety-related benefits, it cannot insulate us from many of life’s challenging experiences that can ultimately affect our mental health.

Mental health encompasses our emotional, psychological and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, communicate with others and act in social settings. When we are in a healthy mental state, we are able to cope effectively with daily stressors to determine and realize our own capacity.

We work productively in our homes and at work, we engage in healthy relationships and we are able to feel the positive effects of our contributions in our classrooms, homes, workplaces and relationships. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood, adolescence and through every chapter of adulthood.

Several factors can contribute to an imbalance in mental health, including history of abuse or trauma either in childhood or adulthood, a life-altering event such as the loss of a job and resulting economic hardship, challenges in peer relationships, the end of a marriage, an unexpected accident, the death loss of a family member or friend, presence of postpartum symptoms or an unexpected move. Chronic or terminal illness can have an effect on the mental health state of the patient and their family members. Prolonged use of alcohol or drugs can also have a lasting impact on our mental health. And of course, genetic and biological factors cause chemical imbalances in our brain. 

Are you ever surprised by a friend or loved one who shares their story surrounding severe symptoms of anxiety with you? Or that there are periods of time where they are unable to take part in the responsibilities of daily living due to prolonged low mood?  You see them as highly capable people in the community and yet they experience a level of anxiety and/or depression that does not allow them to live a full, healthy life much of the time. Human beings are able to engage in a practice called “masking” both intentionally and unintentionally as a learned behavior. 

Masking is the act of hiding one’s authentic thoughts, emotions or behaviors to fit in with social expectations. Masking can occur in many different forms and is a common coping strategy for people who experience life with ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression and various personality disorders. While masking can be a useful survival skill in the short term, it can lead to long-term exhaustion, stress and a sense of disconnection from one’s true self. 

Masking can occur in many ways including:

• Suppressing certain behaviors: hiding natural movements like fidgeting or repetitive actions, even though these are often healthy coping mechanisms for stress or anxiety.

• Mimicking others: imitating the speech patterns, body language or social interactions of those around them.

• Hiding emotions: suppressing anger or distress to avoid conflict or putting on a happy face even when feeling sad or overwhelmed 

• Over-explaining: monitoring their own behavior and over-explaining their actions or emotions to prevent being misunderstood 

• Changing personal beliefs: adapting opinions or behaviors to align with others in a group or situation. 

People mask for many reasons including avoidance of judgment of others, to meet social expectations or to cope with social pressure to conform to those around them. 

While masking allows people to find their space on a short-term basis, it can have significant side effects in the long term. Potential consequences of masking include emotional and physical exhaustion, increased stress and anxiety, identity issues after disconnecting from one’s true self. Masking can also delay a person’s ability to seek help, support or accommodations. 

There is help available. If you or a loved one is experiencing any of the following symptoms, you may want to consider reaching out to a professional for help: excessive anger, prolonged sadness, substance abuse, anxiety, inability to manage stress, extreme changes in mood, feeling guilty or worthless, social withdrawal, confused thinking, disorientation, loss of enjoyment in favorite activities, sleep problems, avoiding friends and social activities, chronic irritability, feeling depressed or unhappy, feelings of hopelessness, hearing voices, high and low extremes of emotion, major changes in eating habits, weight or appetite changes. 

Always remember…

You matter.  

You are loved. 

Your story has value. 

You are worthy of success. 

You are deserving of respectful, healthy relationships. 

You have the right to set healthy boundaries. 

You alone have the right to determine your self-worth. 

Johna Phillipson is a Licensed Independent Social Worker at Sunrise Therapy and Counseling Services. She can be reached at (319) 975-1544.